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03/14/2006 Archived Entry: "Emo A Plenty"

Hopefully, that bout is out of my system. There's no shame in it, even if there is... who cares enough to put a mark on my nonexistent reputation? LoL Depression is a pisser, it really is. It can be mild and then goes full blown and you find you're blaming everything to the point of conspiracy theory that the world is against you and that everyone avoids you like the plague and all hell has thrust its fury upon on you.

And all the while your friends are clueless. No idea that you're sitting there fighting the little demon in your head that taints your vision and says "They're all against you." Depression really SUCKS. Total apathy and then the tides of "I'm a fuck up." ebbing and flowing in and out of your consciousness.

I've been pushing myself to wait it out, but sometimes it really hits you in the face. I can't wait for a true diagnosis. I've got about three or four doctor's tests to go through yet. I haven't told my family about it, I don't want them to worry. I've been avoiding phonecalls, so it's kind of self-destructive because that makes them worry, too. Blargh. I just wish they'd call and not shell out guilt trips.