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02/07/2006 Archived Entry: "Reargh... Blocked blocked blocked."

It's so frustrating to have an idea and try as you may it doesn't come out as planned. It's like my brain goes "Nope, not gonna let you." and no matter how hard I fight against it it craps out on me. Yesterday I tried for hours to draw some ideas I've had in my head but I got so fed up with trying that the idea doesn't even seem appealing anymore. I'm afraid to step away from it and give it time for fear I'll let it go for too long.

So today I try something I had started working on the other day in Photoshop. My lines aren't as smooth as they could be and I know I can do better. But it all looks choppy and jagged. So what I'm going to draw today is... shapes with no preplanned concepts. Just going by what my mind's eye sees on the paper. Whatever's in there needs to come out somehow and that's the best way I can think of. Plus it'll give me some practice on non-linear and non-traditional forms.

Equally frustrating are the guys ten years younger than me drawing this stuff I only dream of being able to do where I am now and so close to 30... it's thoroughly depressing. REALLY depressing, actually. I keep having to drag myself out of that funk I get when I'm looking at other artist's galleries. I have to remember to keep doing things for myself and not for other people when I draw or write or do anything creative like that.