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01/25/2006 Archived Entry: "Yay for grout!"

Today, kids, Syrcaid/Starluck is grouting tile. Not the first time I've ever done it but it's usually not the way most people start their mornings save for like Ed Villa or something. So after a chocolate doughnut and Coca-Cola (breakfast of CHAMPIONS! *trumpets*), I'm sitting here waiting for the grout mixture to sit and cure a little.

Why shouldn't you let me mix grout in the morning? Because my brain, as it is, does NOT function until the afternoon. I am in no way, shape, or form a morning person. So I'm standing there with blue gloves on staring at the measuring cup to measure out one and one half cup of water. This is something they teach you in kindergarten and here I am 26 years old and staring at the cup like I'm holding a little green, many-eyed alien that's staring back at me expectantly.

It's an ancient measuring cup, I've been using it all these months to measure out the mixture I use to make putty. I can somehow manage to make stained glass window patina/putty on autopilot but for reasons unknown to man I can't measure out one and one half cups of clear water. Bill Cosby once said "God has a sense of humor", but my theory is the whole of reality has a sense of humor and if you can't keep up with it you're screwed.

Because despite how old the cup is, the measurements are clearly placed there in bold red lettering. It's even patient and kind enough to give it to me in ounces. It reads "1 CUP 8 Oz." right there with a big straight line to mark where the water to stop. It's even wise enough to put in quarter measurements and even in one-eight's. No matter how hard it tried to give it to me straight and no-nonsense I still manage to read the ounce markings on the opposite side to mean the cup measurements where my reptillian hindbrain (aka, the mind that's in control in the morning) goes "Duuur wut for dese little marks? Do dis mean it can hold 8 cups? Okay!"

Darwin's ghost weeps for humanity when I do things like this...

This Friday I see the head doctor, should mention this part?