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08/31/2005 Archived Entry: "Second thoughts..."

I keep thinking maybe this stained glass stuff isn't for me. It always seems so far away. I know I've only been at it for a few months, but. I feel like I haven't progressed, at all. If anything, I always leave feeling like a complete idiot.

*sigh* Sometimes I feel like I've got no sense of direction with it. Every project I try seems to go wrong or break or just sit and stagnate. What's worse is having two people giving critique to contend with constantly. Maybe I'm just not used to it, but it really chips away at what little confidence I had to begin with. I'm fully aware that I'm an idiot, albeit a somewhat literate one. But you can be a grammar-nazi and still be a complete and total dumbass.

Some days I just don't want to even be there. I find that I'm there out of obligation now than sheer want to create something. I'm wondering now if all glass studios are like this or if this kind of drama exists all over the damn place. On the outside to other people it looks like it runs smoothly, that the kinks and bumps we hit are minimal, and that money just comes pouring in...

Wouldn't -that- be fuckin' nice?