[Previous entry: "Can I go home now? ;__;"] [Main Index] [Next entry: "So Here We Are"]

01/10/2005 Archived Entry: "Pre-Op Jitters..."

Time/Date: 12:00pm (CST) Mon Jan 10, 2005
Temperature: 29°F
Conditions: CLOUDY
Wind Speed: E6mph
Humidity: 75%
Pressure: 30.22InHg
Dew Point: 22°F

I've got the pre-op (before operation) jitters and I haven't even called the doctor to confirm that I'm in agreement that I need surgery to remove my gallbladder. I know it has to be done, I know it's going to be painful afterwards... but nothing compares to the agony of a gallbladder attack. The pain is indescribable! It's so horrific you break out into a cold sweat, you get nausea and -hope- you pass out so you don't have to lie there in agony. In light of that, I think a week of recovery is well worth it to never again have to be in that kind of pain.

It's kind of a blessing and a curse, at once. It's a blessing in that I haven't eaten -any- fast food since I realised what I had and I don't really miss it. The only thing I miss more than anything else is, as odd as this sounds, the smell of french fries. At this point, I could take them or leave them. I'd -prefer- to leave them, but soon I'll have the option to leave them instead of not being allowed them, at all. There's a difference between not being able to and having the option not to. The curse is that I'm going to have surgery for the second time in my life and I'm scared.

The initial freakout was the day after I was told that my gallbladder was, and I quote "full of stones" and the best thing to do was get it removed. I didn't freak out until the Friday morning when I realised I was going to have an organ removed. It's kind of a strange feeling, it's not the same as having a wisdom tooth removed. To me, anyway. It's hard to explain to someone about why you freak out in the first place. It's when logic goes head to head with the inner reptile and monkey. Monkey wants to run up the tree and Reptile wants to avoid the subject entirely, all the while Logic is trying to calm them down. I don't remember freaking out about oral surgery, I think because I was in so much pain from the absess that anything was welcome if it made it stop hurting.

Monkey: Gotta catch me first!
Reptile: I'll be hiding under my rock...
Logic: There's nothing to fear.

I might as well get it out while I'm still in my twenties and I can heal much faster than to do it when the thing is inflamed and much riskier of an operation should I let it draw out... Somehow that doesn't make me feel any more secure about it all. I'll admit, I'm a chicken but hopefully it's not as frightening when it comes down to it. I don't have much of a choice about this, so I'm trying really hard to be rational about this. This is difficult for a person who comes from a long line of neurotic people. LoL!

I just thank whatever god is out there for the gift of a sense of humor. I don't know how some people survive or live their day without finding anything funny. Humor is probably what keeps us all from killing each other in one big ka-boom.

Humans are neurotic monkeys with screwdrivers. It's as simple as that.