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10/08/2004 Archived Entry: "New Friends and Old Friends..."

It seems like friends just come and go, I've never grown accustomed to that. It's one thing to just not talk to them on a daily basis because just knowing they are there is comfort enough for me. But some turn a strange leaf and see you as someone no longer needed, that hurts more than just drifting apart. Part of the reason I become so distant is because after a time no one seeks me for company. Instead I'm just a resource, something they can draw information or advice from. I dunno... Some people just disappeared, too.

On the subject of David Bowie's BowieNet...
I went onto BowieNet and realised I knew no one. Sure I recognised a few names, but no one there would remember me. It's not that it's important that I'm recognised or popular, it's just... *sigh* The people I used to spend so much time with online just aren't there anymore. It always feels like I go into their board and it starts like a bunch of crickets chirping, but the moment I say anything it goes dead quiet because no one knows me. It's kind of funny, but kind of sad at the same time. I don't feel like I even belong in there anymore. Not so much because of the people, but because now I truly feel like an expatriate.

Even their humor feels alien. I don't know half of the things they talk about, I don't really follow the BNet news. Is it bad to not be that into it? *droop* I went to see if maybe the webmaster at Clearpixel put in a message board for Mike Garson. Maybe I should suggest it, I'd go and move there. In fact, I should look into someone new. Hell, I made Mike Garson a birthday present and I don't know jack about the guy. That should change, I think.

BNet seems stagnant to me, but a lot of the older sites are that way right now. It's not a true loss of interest, it's that pause before the next revolution. We're all feeling it, politically, historically, emotionally...

In other news...
It's Friday, and thank [ insert diety here ]! I've got things I want to do this weekend and I hope I can do it all or find the will to. I'm not sick anymore, thankfully, so now I'm feeling well enough to get some things I wanted to do last weekend done this weekend.

I feel so anxious, it's probably just my medicine but... I want to see things work. I want to actually FINISH one of the many projects I'm working on. Time and time again, I leave things unfinished and it's frustrating. One thing I AM doing for certain is working on the secret project I'm doing for my dad. I know he'll like it, it's just a matter of me deciding on a few things and building on it.

I think I'll go and spend my last few minutes of my lunch break sketching.